It’s a new year and now that we’re some time into this deployment, I’m reflecting on what God has been trying to teach me in this. I have the realization as we’re driving away from church today that rebellion, even just a tad, is not where God wants me to be. Of course this thought occurs just as I’m driving the wrong way to get out of the parking lot quicker. Oh yes, I’m serious. Something like that can only be God tapping me on the shoulder because I don’t question things like that.
I mean really, who cares if I’m going the wrong way to get out of the parking lot? No one there cares and some of them do it as well. And you know I start reasoning with God. I’m telling Him it’s not pride, it’s not rebellion, it’s just simply getting out of the parking lot without having to go the long way around when I have to feed a child lunch so she can go to a knitting class. I have the nudging that tells me it still is pride and it still is rebellion, even when it’s just a little bit or easily explainable. The other thing I’ve been learning is to be content where I am.
When this deployment started I had grand ideas that the kids and I would alternate our Sunday worship time between the Army chapel where Eric and I serve and the local church that we enjoy. Then if we were in a good groove when he came home, it would be easy for him to slide right into our Sunday schedule and the chapel would have had a year to adjust to our new groove. Well, many things happened to shake up my nicely made plan and it hasn’t happened. It hasn’t happened because God has placed things in my path to steer me where I need to learn what is best for me. So recently I’ve been learning contentment, because it is a choice. A day by day, sometimes minute by minute kind of choice for me to make.
Today the light went on in my mind and spirit. Part of my rebellion was exhibiting itself in wanting my own way in my Sunday worship schedule. Ouch! Here I am saying I want to do what’s best for the spiritual well-being of my family. Our good intentions can get us in so much trouble and draw out the amount of time we need to learn the lesson that’s been placed before us. I’ve come through a season of learning servant leadership, a season of learning rest, and years of learning obedience (for some reason that took years!). I look forward with anticipation to what the next thing is that God will teach me along the journey. And for now contentment is what I’m learning and part of being able to be content means first battling the rebellion that wants to rise up in me, even when it initially seems benign.
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